For a good time: call my ex
One Reddit user went down a creative route after finding out her fiance had been cheating on her months before the wedding. Every time a strange and insistent gentleman hits on her or asks for her number, she passes on her ex-partner’s. The real heroes here are the unfaithful fiance’s brother who updates her every time the number is changed and his sister who fills her in on his frustration
Out: a bag of poop on fire. In: pregnancy scare.
Really any inconvenient item on a doorstep is comedy gold, but if you can weave in a sense of existential panic, why not? Emmett_crab over on Reddit certainly agreed, leaving her pregnant room-mates positive test at the door of her serial cheater partner. She left no note, meaning he had to figure out either which woman it could be, or which friend hates him enough.
Still using their gift cards
Sometimes the pettiest revenge can come from using your knowledge of their character flaws. Butterflyapathetic took advantage of her ex’s penny-pinching ways to Robin Hood herself his Walgreens points. Not quite the kind of heist that topples a local baron’s fortune, but it’s all for the greater good.
A bro so dirty the police got involved
The police didn’t investigate said bro for his grubby apartment, but rather his ex-partner’s revenge. Reddit user AaahhFakeMonsters claims to have hid his protein powder in her ex’s dirty laundry, provoking him to call the police to retrieve his ‘stolen’ goods. In the three weeks between her prank and officers arriving at her new place, he hadn’t once done his laundry, and therefore hadn’t realised they were never stolen after all. Gross!
Pokemon Go to the recycling bin
For a certain generation of people, losing their archive of digital critters is akin to a family photo album perishing in a house fire. One Pokemon fan used a break-up as an excuse to log into his ex-partner’s account and release all his hard-caught, imaginary creatures back into the wild. Annoying for sure, but life goes on. Well, maybe not for his Snorlax.
Belittling his manhood
While we all understand body shaming is wrong, sometimes an appropriate drag can reveal an uplifting message for us all. Reddit user Burymeinsand found out a man who wanted kids with her had been cheating with an ex for their entire relationship. She took advantage of his physical insecurities and told him he’d been disappointing two women instead of one. A petty move sure, but it definitely hit his ego right where it hurts!
Trash bags of bagels
Sometimes the simplest things are the most cathartic. You don’t need fancy plots to undermine their sanity for months or years on end, or an explosive confrontation with a perfectly timed zinger. Sometimes, like Reddit user iblametheowl, you just grab some grocery store baked goods section’s trash and throw them at his house. Did a raccoon write this?
These heels are made for shaming
One user’s solution to the need for a post-break-up confidence boost involved reclaiming an issue her former partner had over height. Being a shorter man, he asked that she only wear flats to avoid overshadowing him. In her newfound singledom – she made sure to get herself some powerful statement heels for when she came across him at a mutual friend’s party.
Even the mob never went for the wine
A good bottle of wine, especially during a breakup, will be absolutely invaluable to you. This is what makes Reddit user Sbemails’ plot so devious, as she took her ex’s admittedly ‘mediocre’ red wine collection and boiled them slightly for a nice pickle note. A long-haul prank, but one that twisted the knife that little bit deeper with each sip.
An old fashion glitter bomb
It’s wonderful that we live in an age where services can fulfill our desires to avoid all human contact, but remain petty against those who wrong us. One Reddit user took advantage of this modern market to send her ex a glitter bomb. In her defense, she claimed to have felt awful – and the fact he had to spend days picking the sparkly pieces out his eyebrows probably didn’t help.