When it comes to relationships, many times it goes something like this: two people fall in love, one lets their guard down, and one ends up with a broken heart.

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The problem isn’t in falling in love, or letting your guard down; the problem is people don’t do what is best for themselves. They choose their partner without their best interests in mind.

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Elite Daily

People tend to go after what they want instead of what they need, which is often two very different things. As people get older and more mature this problem starts to dissolve and they start doing what is best for themselves.

You want a man who has ambition, but you need a man who is supportive.

Having ambition is a really important quality. Not only is it a positive trait, but it is also very sexy to love a man who chases his dreams. However, he needs to support your dreams as well. Being driven is great, but it is no excuse for not supporting someone else’s needs. Your needs have to be a priority to him just as much as his are to you. You should never be forced to choose to support his plans instead of your own.

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You want the drama, but you need a man who doesn’t.

People tend to get drama and passion mixed up. For whatever reason, fighting and drama seems sexy. Maybe it’s the fantasy of makeup sex afterward, maybe it’s appealing to have a man who challenges you and will fearlessly call you out.

You don’t need a man who starts a fight. That isn’t healthy. You need a man who will fight to dissolve the problem. You need a man who doesn’t want to get you riled up, but is good at calming you down. He should want to solve problems with you, not make them.

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You want a man who has it all, but you need to contribute.

Most women fantasize about the super-sexy and intelligent man who is rolling in dough. Yes, can we please get a few more of those, maybe some with a tan and an accent?

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In all seriousness though, having a man who has it all is great, but often times that can cause you to feel as if you don’t bring enough to the table. You want to be able to contribute equally, or close to equally. Whether that’s with money or strategy or emotional connection, you need to feel like you are pulling part of the weight. Of course, it feels good to be taken care of and I’m not saying if you don’t make the same money you aren’t pulling any weight. I’m saying that you shouldn’t feel as if he is getting the short end of the stick, and many times that is what ends up happening. You should never feel as if it is a competition.

You want the man who gives you lust, but you need the man who gives you love.

I get it. Spicy relationships are incredibly enticing and having good chemistry is very critical. However, relationships that are based on sex and lust alone do not last. Our looks fade and sex isn’t something that will last forever. What lasts forever is our connection and understanding with our partners. Yes, you should be attracted to each other. No, that shouldn’t be why you are together. You need to seek out a man who shares more than his skills in bed. The skills will fade over time and what you are left with should still make you excited and proud to be together.

You want a man who cYyonsumes you, but you need a man who pushes you.

It’s wonderful when you are so into each other that you don’t want to spend any time apart. The honeymoon phase is perhaps one of the best parts of a relationship, but you can’t live in a world that is just the two of you. You need a man who will encourage balance in your life and remind you that your personal life is important. You need a man who is considerate with you, not stingy with you.

You want a man who will spoil you, but you need a man who will give you what’s important.

Everyone loves presents, nice dinners, and special trips. Hello, we’re humans. Though these things are nice, they aren’t synonymous with real love. Real love is affection, respect, and compassion. These things are much more important and lasting than the materialistic things.

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You want a man who worships you, but you need a man who will tell you that you’re wrong.

Having a doormat as a boyfriend isn’t sexy. Aside from that, it isn’t fair. It feels great to be worshiped, but if he can’t tell you that you have done something that upset him then you can never improve. You need to know what you are doing wrong so the relationship can move forward and resentment doesn’t build up.